


A Really Real Really Cool Buddy Adventure

by SandHand



Series: Clint and Wade Do Things [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Deadpool being Deadpool, Hawkeye vs Deadpool (2014)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-03 21:02:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21185939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandHand/pseuds/SandHand
Summary: Clint Barton and Wade Wilson are asked by the new director of SHIELD, Maria Hill, to investigate Taskmaster who has recently moved into a facility recently owned by Doctor Doom.





	1. Being Briefly Briefed

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a story idea that went on a little longer, as in multiple chapters. The story doesn't matter much so no big revelations or world building, just an adventure and like the other pieces this is kind of a rambly "as it comes to me" type of story, I hope you enjoy anyway

Clint felt the familiar rumble of the Quinjet settling in the hanger. At once he and the other occupants grabbed anything, they set beside them and filed out of the ramp already unfolding in front of them. The bridge was just as bustling as ever; there were soldiers and technicians running back forth, the sounds of bullhorns calling out announcements and people. Clint took one more moment to breath in all the sights and sounds before something cut through his moment “Hey Clint!?”

He turned to see Wade, wearing his usual red black attire waving like an idiot from across the bridge. Clint rolled his eyes and adjusted the large bag on his back, but he did offer Wade a weak smile. Wade attempted to break towards Clint but the two escorts in black SHIELD clothing stopped him and mumbled something, now Clint gave a genuine smile as Wade’s energy seemed to dissipate in response “How’s it going Wilson?”

“Dude I am so jazzed; I can’t believe I finally get to officially visit a Helicarrier.”

“Yeah, they’re pretty…did you say jazzed, did you say officially?”

“Well yeah, there was this one time I wanted some information, uhm, expunged from their computers…”

One of the escorts cleared his throat loudly and Wade nodded in response. The two escorts filed out towards a glass door leading out of the bridge and Wade and Clint followed “Basically I only saw the air ducts.”

Again, Clint couldn’t help but laugh. Something about being back on a Helicarrier filled him with joy, it was just something familiar and comforting. The smell of AC air and the constant sound of boots stepping made Clint feel more at ease than his own apartment did, it made him wonder why he left. As the group rounded a corner, they had to dodge a group of soldiers jogging towards them “You guys late to make a fly by at a kids’ birthday party or something?”

The escorts ignored Wade’s question and continued to walk. “Don’t mind them, they’re always like this.”

“What is it part of their SHIELD training?”

“No, you need to come in with _rude_ on your resume.”

Wade gave a bit of a belly laugh, as if he were trying to annoy the men “Hey, hey Clint what kind of movies do you think these guys like?”

“Uhm, I don’t actually know where you’re going with that?”

“Mumblecore!”

**. . .**

Maria Hill stood at the center of the Helicarrier’s bridge looking over everyone. There must have been a hundred computer consoles with workers furiously typing or talking into earpieces. Behind her she heard the door to the bridge slide open “Mumblecore, get it?”

“No yeah I get it, you don’t have to say it again man.”

Maria turned to greet her new arrivals “Barton, nice to see you again.”

“Yeah I’m sure it is” she then turned to nod at Wade “Thank you for answering my call Mr. Wilson.”

“Eh just Wade is good, I’m not really about the official stuff.”

“Yes, I’ve been informed” She then turned back to the rest of the bridge “Can we clear the room please?!”

As if rehearsed, every worker turned off their monitors and filed out. Someone else must have triggered something because the lights of the bridge dimmed and the ground around Hill and the others. Hill and Clint stepped clear of the circular glow; Wade mimicked them after a minute. A large blue projection materialized in front of them depicting an old castle. “Let’s keep it brief, Taskmaster has set up shop in one of Doctor Doom’s old haunts.”

“To be honest I was expecting something more absurd, but this is the proper amount” Clint said investigating the layout “Do we know about the interior, how many men he’s got?”

“No and yes, seems like he’s working with Madame Hydra and her troops.”

“Oh, the sea Nazis, there’s your absurd” Deadpool began to imitate Clint “What’s running this little light show by the way, two, no, five PlayStation fours?”

“Are you being serious” she asked

“I mean I know a robot who moved a human into a robot with fifty so anything’s possible.”

Clint moved away from the hologram, just to get it all in view “Why not just send a strike team, or bomb the place?”

“Shield is trying not to be so big and scary, now that we’re a publicly known organization we’ve got eyes on us.”

“So, you’re sending in a mercenary and a carny?” Clint shot Deadpool a look “Wade”

“Sorry, _former_ carny.”

“You two, and I mean this as a compliment, are pretty free of the public eye, plus I doubt Hydra or Masters know how to deal with you.”

Clint nodded “Wildcards, alright.”

Wade raised his arm frantically “Are you sure I’m not in the public eye, I’ve fucked up a lotta stuff.”

Maria ignored him, tapping a button on one of her gloves and causing the image of the castle to disappear. It was replaced by a more zoomed out image depicting a large body of water surrounding an island with the castle on it “Your insertion point will be right here, the edge of the land mass, we’re not sure what they have in the way of air defenses so you’ll be given your own Quinjet.”

“We get to fly a Quinjet?”

“No, Clint gets to fly a Quinjet while you watch the fuel dial.”

“This I can do.”

“So, what exactly do you need us to do?”

There was a short pause and an uneasy feeling filled the room. Clint watched Maria for an answer, she didn’t meet her gaze. When she did her expression was dead serious “Do what you need to.”

Clint only nodded in response, the hologram faded, and the light returned to the bridge “I’ll leave you to it, good luck.”

Wade and Clint left the bridge, this time without an escort, Clint knew his way to the armory and from there; as soon as the doors to the bridge closed Wade turned to his friend and whispered very loudly “What happened to the director?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I never met her before but I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be missing an eye.”


	2. Foresight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Wade make their way to Taskmaster's island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to annoy my roommate and also I finished this so I can afford to be irresponsible with my schedule. I've learned nothing. Happy Halloween, enjoy.

Clint spent more time in the armory than he’d originally intended; most of the things he had packed were his own equipment. He did decide to grab some odds and ends, some bits of armor for his forearms and legs but nothing much. Wade on the other hand looked through every case and closet; there were five solid minutes where he couldn’t decide which grenades to take, the ones that were incendiary or the ones that were incendiary but would also shoot out shrapnel “But what if the shrapnel hurts us?”

“Then take the ones without.”

“But what if we need to shred through armor?”

“Just take both then.”

“But what if I go above my weight limit, I don’t wanna be over encumbered.”

They ended up splitting the grenades between the two of them. By the time the Quinjet was loaded it looked as if it was a supply ship “There’s no way we’re going to need all of this.”

“Never say never Barton, just think of this as one giant quiver.”

“I don’t usually have to park my quiver on the beach and walk miles away from it.”

The location of Taskmaster’s base was already in the jets systems, all Clint had to do was follow the directions the on board computer gave. Most of the way there was just open ocean and the afternoon sun hung in the sky. It didn’t take long for the silence to get to Wade “I’m really bored.”

“I don’t care Wade; I’m flying right now.”

“Do you guys have games on these things?”

“No Wade.”

“Don’t bullshit me Barton, you mean to tell me SHIELD soldiers don’t get bored?”

“I never said that, but I don’t think they’d have anything on here to help you.”

“Of course, they do, it’s called the pilots seat.”

“_Hell no_”

“Come one, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“We could crash, we could crash and die, we could crash and live.”

“Woah wait, how is crashing and living a bad thing?”

“How would crashing in the middle of the ocean with no life raft or rations be a bad thing, are you really asking me that?”

“You idiots don’t have a life raft on here?!”

“Not to my knowledge.”

“Why, that’s so stupid!”

“Our pilots don’t crash” Wade slumped back in the co-pilots chair and folded his arms “You know you just sealed our fates, right?”

“What, you don’t trust my piloting skills?”

“Do you own a car; do you own a license?”

“What does that have to do with flying?”

“I don’t know Clint, why the fuck is there no life raft on this thing, some questions are only for God to answer I guess.”

Suddenly there was the blare of an alarm and a flashing red light. Clint took one hand of the controls and began flicking switches on the console in front of him “Damn it, looks like we’re made.”

“What can we do?”

“You can sit there quietly and let me focus.”

“No but seriously, what kind of defenses do we have on this baby?”

There was an awkward pause between the two and Wade slowly turned to fully face Clint “So this plane has no defensive weapons and no life raft in case of a crash?”

“Quinjets are mostly for landing troops not dog fights.”

“This thing is a glorified Hess truck” Wade rose from his seat and moved to the back of the plane. Clint hit a few more instruments on the panel but didn’t turn around “Wade sit back down; I may have to make some sharp maneuvers!”

“Oh, hell no, I’m sick of this foe plane, I’m leaving.”

“What!?”

Wade scrounged through a large box on the wall of the Quinjet marked in red “Oh, shock pads, bandages, so if someone skips a heartbeat during a flight, we’re all covered.”

“Wade!”

“Oh, here it is” Wade grabbed a parachute from the back on the box “You have fun dying Clint, I’m gonna go do something not dumb.”

“You are doing something really dumb right now!”

“Says the guy not jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.”

“That _is_ what I’m saying!” There was another sharp warning alarm and Clint jerked the controls sharply to the right, the jet did a tumble dodging incoming fire. In the back of the plane Wade was whipped into one of the walls face first. As the Quinjet righted itself Wade tried to rise to his feet only for a loose box to hit him in the back of the head. Clint flicked a few more nobs and looked out of the window, through the clouds he could see the castle “Wade seriously, get back here, we’re almost to the beach!”

When no answer came Clint turned his head to see Deadpool lying on the ground in a heap “Shit” he hissed. A new wave of alarms blared out and Clint returned to his blind control hitting “Shit, shit, shit!”

Unable to counter the incoming barrage, Clint set a trajectory for the castle and hit the autopilot button. Hopping from the pilots seat he grabbed some of the SHIELD cases and then Wade. Strapping himself to his friend he quickly hit the controls to lower the ramp and threw them both out of the Quinjet.


	3. All Washed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Wade continue their attempted infiltration of Taskmaster's base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's two more chapters because why not, happy Halloween, enjoy

When Clint woke up, he expected to feel the soft wave of water on his back; there was the sun, the smell of the sea, but feeling of wet skin or bobbing though, just sand. He rose to a sitting position and rubbed his head; he was on a beach “Water must have taken us in or something.”

“Yeah, or someone” Clint turned to see Wade going through some of the boxes Clint had strapped to himself before leaving the Quinjet. Clint got to his feet, looked over his body for any cuts or bruises and moved over to Deadpool “How’s the stuff?”

“Useless, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear it was dipped in the ocean or something.”

“Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“To weigh yourself down in addition to me?”

“I thought we’d clear the beach?”

“You wanted to hit a compact ground made of rock bits from hundreds of feet in the air?”

Clint shoved past Wade and looked at the equipment “Shut up” He wasn’t joking. Everything that hadn’t been lost in the ocean was waterlogged. Looking over his own stuff it seemed relatively intact, just a bit wet and salty “How’s your stuff?”

“Busted, but all the blades should be good; at least now I’ll be salting all the wounds I make.”

“Alright then, from the info that Hill gave us we’re going to have to cut through a couple miles to get to the castle.”

“Well if we wait a couple more minutes we might not have to” Wade said pointing inland. Clint turned to see a large plume of smoke coming over the tree line. Clint ran both is hands through his hair and felt a warm wave rush over his face “Yeah, not your smartest play Barton then again none of them are.”

“But I aimed the plane at the castle!”

“Well obviously the plane didn’t want to comply, you better hope Captain Planet doesn’t team up with Masters; that’s above my pay grade.”

“I can’t believe I did that” Wade moved past Clint slapping his bow and quiver into his arms “Believe it and follow me.”

“Follow you, I’m leading this mission.”

“Not after that fiasco you’re not, I can lead this mission just fine.”

“What makes you say that.”

“Well for starters I know everything that’s gonna happen.”

“You mean you can guess what’s going to happen, or is this like that _thing_ you do?”

“What thing?”

“That thing, where you just start talking about things you shouldn’t know about or things you weren’t there for, _the thing_.”

“Clinton Francis Barton, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The two walked in silence for half a second before Clint spoke up again “How’d you know my full name?”

“Google.”

**. . .**

In a castle far from the beach, in a room with high ceilings, Taskmaster watched a monitor as Hydra soldiers moved around him. Many were carrying boxes and monitors in an attempt to finish setting up the command center. Work had been going slow, the castle wasn’t as accommodating as Masters had hoped and a lot more work was needed before it could be considered acceptable. From what the computer screen Masters could see large amounts of smoke coming out of an area of the jungle, if the crews reached it in time there’d be no problem but if it spread “What the hell is going on!?”

“I’m handling it” Taskmaster rolled his eyes and turned to see a woman stomping towards him furiously. She was dressed literally head to toe in green, complete with glasses and hair “What was that explosion, why were two groups of my men dispatched into the jungle?”

“_Our _men, I sent them to deal with the fire.”

“Fire?!”

“I said I was handling it” In a swift move Hydra took a whip off her side and gave it a slap causing the end to wrap itself around Master’s neck. She gave one good yank causing Masters to stagger forward with a grunt. Hydra grabbed him by the chin of his mask “If these are _our _men, then we should both know what they are doing” she said in a whisper. Taskmaster struggled against the whip for a second until Hydra began tracing the edge of his mask with her nails “Don’t you agree?”

Masters unlopped the whip and stared the woman down for a second, eyeing her up and down, second guessing his decision. He stepped away and pointed at the monitor “A SHIELD Quinjet was spotted flying this way, we fired on it then it crashed into the jungle.”

“And?”

“That’s all we know right now.”

“Do we know who was on the plane, if they managed to jump before it crashed?”

“I just said that was all we knew.”

“Then find out more and tell me as soon as you do” Hydra turned to leave. Masters rolled his eyes again and returned to his work only to see several workers stopped dead in their tracks watching him “Get back to work” they began to move slowly, some snickering and others still starred; Taskmaster took one of his blasters from his hip and fired a bolt of orange energy into one of the workers, he fell dead “Now!”


	4. Walk and Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now aware of their presence the villains move to capture whoever is attacking their island, meanwhile Clint and Wade get lost in the jungle and argue for a bit.

As the trees and bushes of the jungle grew thicker Clint and Wade seemed to lose momentum “How much longer do you think we got before we’re out of here?”

“Can’t say” Clint pushed a large branch out of his way “As long as we’re moving inwards, we’ll make it to the castle.”

“I guess that makes sense, still, I feel like if we drudge around in here any longer, we’re gonna run into some cronies.”

“What, are you scared of fighting a few Hydra goons?”

“Did you miss the part where all of our weapons were washed away or drenched?”

“Since when are you so logical, besides my bow and arrow are fine.”

“Well gee Clint that’s _terrific_, hey tell you what; you do the shooting and I’ll catch their fucking bullets and laser blasts with my torso!”

“You could actually do that if you wanted to, I’ve seen it” Clint stopped and turned to Wade “Seriously is something wrong, you’re making sense and worrying about a lot of things today.”

“It’s nothing.”

“You sure; what, is it because Hill gave us the job, wanna do an extra good job?”

“Oh please, when have I ever cared what an employer thought of me?”

“Good point.”

“Besides, it’s just SHIELD not SWORD or something.”

“Then what’s up your ass?”

“Tons and tons of saltwater, I dunno something just has me on edge, like we’re walking into a trap or we don’t know everything about this job.”

“That wouldn’t surprise me.”

“What?”

“Hill and Fury only ever tell you what they _need _to, that doesn’t mean everything” Clint continued walking but noticed the lack of footsteps behind him. He turned to see Deadpool starring at him with a slight grimace “What?”

“Are you telling me that you knew she wasn’t telling us everything?”

“No, I’m just guessing she didn’t, whatever, it doesn’t matter.”

“Barton we almost got blown up half an hour ago!”

“Oh please, the jet hadn’t even taken a hit when we jumped from it.”

“After you pulled me out of it, while I was unconscious!”

“Yeah, because you left your seat when I said not to and then got knocked unconscious by one of the boxes of extra shit you packed, most of which is now in the ocean anyway!”

“Well obviously I didn’t intend for that to happen!”

“Would you quit yelling!”

“Why?!”

Suddenly several soldiers sprung from behind the surrounding bushes and trees. Each one of them was dressed in a green suit with hints of bright yellow in the trim and belts, the large red eyes on the masks were striking “_That’s _why.”

“Oh please, these guys have been following us since the beach.”

“You knew?”

“Yeah, how the hell did you know that” shouted one of the hydra soldiers.

“Do you guys _not_ listen when I tell you I’ve been through this” Clint raised his bow trying to use the moment of distraction, but each of the soldiers raised their rifles in tandem and the sound of charging energy blasters filled the air “Drop the weapon!”

“Yeah Clint seriously, this is exactly what we needed to happen?”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Look; they’ll capture us and then we won’t be wandering around a jungle.”

“Good idea Wade, then we’ll be tortured for info we don’t have and then we’ll get killed; that sure beats _walking_.”

“Stop talking, both of you, drop the weapons” Deadpool nudged Clint a little. With a long sigh Clint hung his head and placed his bow on the ground carefully. The soldiers stepped forwards, weapons still raised, as Wade and Clint took the rest of the equipment off their backs, sides and belts.


	5. Have a Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CLint and Wade finally reach Taskmaster's little castle, unfortunately they're taken there as prisoners.

Wade and Clint were escorted at gunpoint through the rest of the jungle. They had been led through a small door in a large concrete wall, possibly the back of the castle like facility. They were sent through scanners and checked several times for weapons and then placed in a small room devoid of anything except a dim ceiling lamp in the center and two metal chairs “Oh wow, they gave us chairs this time.”

“How fun.”

“Oh, come on Barton, at least the bottoms of these are intact.”

“What does that mean?”

“Uhm…don’t watch Quantum of Solace.”

Wade and Clint were placed back to back in the chairs and then placed in high tech cuffs and a heavy metal chain for good measure. All but two of the soldiers left through a door on the opposite end of the one they had come through. After the initial departure of the hydra soldiers the room was deadly silent. For the most part the soldiers didn’t acknowledge Clint or Wade, once or twice the eyes of one of the soldiers would wander over to them both; Clint would give him an angry squint and Wade would offer a chipper grin, the combo made the man’s eyes quickly dart away nervously. As quietly as he could Clint began to whisper to Wade “I think I’ve got a way out of this.”

“Took you long enough, it’s the twitchy one, right?”

“Yeah, he looks scrawny, might be new.”

“Yeah, the way he keeps shuffling and looking at us.”

“Good we’re finally on the same page.”

“Yeah, and I know exactly how to use him, trust me” Before Clint could respond the door leading into the rest of the base swung open and to the surprise of both heroes Taskmaster and Madame Hydra came in. Clint had seen these two in files more than in person; from what he knew they liked to direct battles rather then participate in them. Masters was tall and broad, and his armor only increased those factors. He wore modified SHIELD armor with blue orange and black colors, a long cape with a hood and, most importantly, a snow white mask with tons of chips and marks in it; two small orange beady lights sat in the skull’s sockets “Hey Masters, nice place you got here.”

Masters folded his arms, Clint couldn’t tell but it seemed like the man was smirking “Nice to see you Clint, shame your still working for SHIELD.”

“Eh they aren’t that bad anymore, turns out being a public agency means you can’t do as much secret gritty shit.”

“That doesn’t change what they’ve already done.”

“I never said that Masters” There was a lull of silence before Taskmaster began to walk away from Clint and turn towards Deadpool “And Wade Wilson, I’ve been dying to meet you in person.”

“Really, cause I never gave you a second thought.”

“Hostility, I probably shouldn’t be surprised after that stunt you pulled at the AIM holiday party.”

“Heh, I almost forgot about that, did they ever put MODOK back together?”

Hydra stepped forward shortly after, moving herself between Wade and Masters “Enough of this, why are you here?”

“Is this not the new place, are we too early for the housewarming party” Clint asked over his shoulder.

Wade chuckled, even Masters seemed to enjoy the comment. Hydra shot a look over at her partner “Why aren’t you taking this seriously?”

“Because it’s Clint Barton and Wade Wilson, if SHIELD isn’t taking this seriously why would we” Masters took a step back and waved at both of his prisoners “At the most they’re suspicious of what we’re doing here but they don’t know anything, that’s why they sent a hired killer and a freelance archer.”

Hydra’s shoulders dropped “So what, you want us to let them go?”

“I never said that, they may still be useful.”

Wade perked up at this “Nah, you should just let us go, we’re not useful.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Look, Mr. Mast, I can see how keeping us here for torture or ransom might be beneficial” Clint raised his eyes and looked over his shoulder again “Wade?”

“_But_ look at this from our perspective, we’re expendable; one of us is essentially immortal, the other is well Hawkeye.”

Hydra stepped back towards Wade and lowered herself to eye level “I think you underestimate your usefulness.”

“And I think you underestimate the value of personal space” Hydra smirked and began to speak but was cut off when Wade swung his head forward into hers. She fell clutching her nose in pain “Now Clint, do the fingernail thing!”

Masters struck Wade in the face with the butt of one of his pistols, his head fell limp and he turned and offered a hand to Hydra. She swatted it away and hissed “I want them isolated and tortured for everything they know; stab them, burn them, flay them!”

“Uhm Wade comes pre-flayed, sorry to break it to you” Clint felt a firm arm clasp around his shoulder as Hydra stepped back into his view. She seemed crazed and the speckles of blood around her nose only added to the look “I’ll tend to Barton personally.”

Masters just looked on with his arms crossed, he gave a shrug “Do what you want, I still have some work to do.”


	6. Seperation Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now away from one another, Deadpool and Hawkeye have to deal with Taskmaster, Madame Hydra, and the soldiers in the castle, all while chained to chairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't have much to say this time, thinking of a lot of other ideas for stories but I am slowly, maybe too slowly, learning how to pace myself, enjoy

Wade woke in the same room he had been locked up in, only this time there was no Barton behind him. He looked over to see the same two guards standing at attention, at least he still had that plan to fall back on. The restraints felt the same, his face hurt “Hey, did master’s cold clock me?”

Neither of the guards acknowledged Deadpool “Okay, be rude for no and ruder for yes.”

“Shut up clown” grumbled the larger guard.

“That sounds like a yes to me” Wade turned away and looked around the room and briefly at his restraints “Boy you Hydra guys sure know your stuff, these things are pretty secure.”

“Stop. Talking.”

“No seriously, the only way out of here would be to do that bone breaking thing.”

“Shut up” the guard growled louder, now turning to acknowledge Deadpool.

“Yeah but I hate doing that, I can never get everything back in place right; now I know what you’re thinking, the healing factor should cover that right?”

The guard adjusted the hold on his gun and stomped over to Wade. He kicked him squarely in the chest and then stood there as Wade gasped and coughed for a breath “You done?”

Wade was silent for a moment, he let his head hang as the pain washed over him “Honestly I was, but unfortunately this chair is bolted to the ground and that hurt _a lot_ more then I anticipated” the guard growled again and grabbed Wade’s head then gave him one large slug across the face. Wade coughed and shook off the punch “Come on, were you not listening when I said the bones don’t fix themselves right, if you break my jaw, I’m not going to talk less it’s just gonna sound more annoying.”

The guard righted Wades face and hit him again, and again. From the door the other guard kind of perked up “Hey I think he’s had enough.”

“Enough? He’s one of those freaky mutants, he’ll heal.”

“Yeah but all the blood your kicking out of him isn’t going to disappear.”

Wade, now on the verge of passing out again tried to spit out the blood building in his mouth, he then quickly remembered he was remembering a mask and swallowed the blood with a shudder “You should probably listen to your friend, I don’t think Hydra wants anyone’s sloppy seconds.”

The guard yelled and prepared to throw a large straight punch into Wade’s face, he swiveled his head at the last second causing the man to lose his footing and tumble right into Wade and the chair. Wade quickly did what he could to grab hold of the guard with his cuffed hand, eventually reaching hi sidearm. Wade fired three shots into the guard’s stomach and shook his lifeless body onto the floor with a thud. With a few large breaths Wade laughed “Oh my god, that was so intense” he tried to turn his head and look at the last guard “You okay kid, nothing to intense for you right?”

Wade felt a rifle against the side of his head “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

“Awww, but those are my favorite kind!”

“Drop the gun.”

“Come on, I couldn’t even shoot you if I wanted to.”

“Do it”

Wade rolled his eyes “Only because you didn’t yell” he tossed the pistol out of his hands and kicked away best he could “Happy?”

Suddenly the door of the room swung open and Hydra came in followed by a few more guards. She looked with an inaudible gasp. “Hey Hydra, I’d look at you, but I’ve been given strict instructions not to move.”

“What did you do?”

“I’d like to request a new guard; this kid can stay but the other guy was rude and he’s also dead now.”

There was a long silence as everyone stared at Deadpool who began tapping his feet as if waiting for something “Hey does anyone have a piece of gum?”

**. . .**

In a separate room Clint Barton sat chained to a similar chair. His head was hanging, and he was struggling to catch his breath, watching the floor as blood dripped from his mouth and plopped to the ground. Taskmaster watched him struggle from a poorly lit corner “She really gave it to you huh?”

Clint didn’t answer; his breathing continued, getting less and less severe with every inhale and exhale. He lifted his head and gave his best smile “I’ve been through worse” Masters looked at Clint. Hydra had slowly scratched at cut at him; with her nails, with weapons, the man’s arms were covered in blood and scratches. Masters found it hard to believe that Clint was still conscious “So did you spill the beans?”

“What beans, we don’t know anything.”

“So, Hydra tortured you for nothing?”

“I’m sure she had fun” Clint said spitting onto the floor “That counts for something.”

“But you really don’t know anything, neither of you?”

“How many different ways are you gonna ask me that, I don’t know _shit_ Masters.”

Taskmaster stood in front of Clint motionless. He shrugged his shoulder and moved forward with a key. Clint shifted slightly as the man approached him, his vision focused in on the key and when it left his sight sight, he could feel Masters fidgeting with the binds “You feeling okay buddy?”

“I’m feeling tired, get your friend and leave.”

“Uh-huh and what do I tell Maria?”

“How about the truth?”

“Which is what exactly?”

“Clint, besides some shittily packed equipment there are no crimes going on here” Masters stepped away and the binds fell to the ground loudly “I’m not exactly going straight but I haven’t _done _anything, I’ve just been trying to purchase this place and get it set up.”

Clint looked at him perplexed, still miming as if he were tied up “Then why are Hydra and the hydrettes here, you couldn’t get a U-Haul?”

“I’m sure if I did that you would have been called down to the rental place to harass me, instead of arriving at my doorstep to do it” he rubbed the temple of his skull mask “I just needed hands to help me move, Hydra thought it was a partnership or something even though I insisted it wasn’t.”

“So, Hill sent us here for nothing, you want me to believe that?”

“Hill, the newly christened director of SHILED, you don’t think she’d be one to overreact to two villains doing anything together?”

“Oh, come on, she sits in Fury’s seat, she didn’t get his crazy.”

“You sure about that Barton” before he could respond there was a subtle static. Masters tapped his ear and began to listen to something. Barton couldn’t catch anything but when Masters took his finger away from his head he turned to Clint “Your friend is causing problems.”

“Yeah, he does that.”


	7. Wrap Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Wade's adventure comes to an end

The young Hydra agent cowered in the corner of the room they had been holding Deadpool in, a small pool of his own blood was forming around him originating from spot where three of his fingers used to be. Infront of him Deadpool was fighting back two other hydra agents with the chair he had been chained to moments ago. Behind the agents, Madame Hydra was shouting at Wade while Wade wielding the chair like a lion tamer. The door to the room swung open and everyone fell silent, Clint and Masters entered and the shock of the scene hit them immediately “What the hell’s happening here?”

“Oh Clint, hey man” Wade immediately dropped the chair with a clatter making everyone jump a little. Wade looked extremely disheveled, his suit was covered in a lot of red that didn’t match the rest of the suit, he had bullet holes and slashes in the fabric; the most striking difference that the whole side of his mask had been seemingly blown off by some sort of explosion, exposing his blotchy skin and part of his mouth “Oof, you look rough.”

“Yeah, I know, what happened?”

“Okay so it’s not as crazy as it looks” Wade turned and began pointing around the room “So the kid over there did this really cool move where he threatened to shoot me in the head after I messed up his buddy” Masters moved over to check on the agent “Then Hydra came in with those two.”

“Okay, then what?”

“Then I asked for some gum, cause earlier I had to swallow some blood and the taste was stuck in my mouth you know, but they were being assholes about it so I started to move then the kid shot me.”

“To be fair he told you not to move.”

“yeah I know, he was totally in the right there” He gave the kid a thumbs up as Masters began taking care of him “Still, he shot me, so I had to make an example of him, so I bit off some of his digits.”

“Uhm…”

“I mean it was an accident; I was aiming to just bite his pinkie, nobody needs those, but he went to hit me when I pounced at him and I ended up biting him a little too hard.”

“Then you took his keys to untie yourself?”

“No, at that point I was pissed cause now I had that fresh blood taste in my mouth again, so I just said fuck it and did the body snappy thing.”

“Oh, you hate doing that man.”

“_I know_, basically after that I just kept demanding a stick of gum and we were yelling back and forth.”

Behind him one of the agents shouted, “You were just complaining, it was a trick to kill us or something!”

Without turning to look at the man Wade pointed “Clearly a man who has never had a mouth full of his own blood” he then turned to address the hydra soldier directly “but he is getting _really_ close to finding out what it’s like!”

From the corner of Deadpool’s eye a hand stretched out holding a silver stick. Wade turned to see Taskmaster; arm outstretched with the other helping the hydra agent to stay on his feet. Wade took it slowly, not breaking eye contact with Masters. Clint began to raise his hand to ask for a piece and Masters immediately handed him one before he could speak “Sorry, he’s right about that bloody mouth taste though.”

“Whatever, just get off my fucking property” He turned to leave and stopped to look at Hydra “Collect your men and leave, this one stays with me.”

Hydra started to scoff but Masters quickly pulled his gun on her, she gave her head a roll and remarked “Fine, I’m sick of this place anyway.”

Wade and Clint followed master’s out of the room and watched him head down the hallway, once he was out of sight they turned and started down the opposite way. For a while they wandered the halls looking for a way out eventually just making their way back to the interrogation room and using the door that led back into the jungle. As they walked to the beach Clint finally broke the silence “So it’s possible that we came here for nothing.”

“Heh, ya think?”

“No, I’m serious, I think Hill was just suspicious of Masters” Wade footsteps stopped suddenly, and Clint looked back to see him standing there with a blank expression. Clint shrugged “She didn’t have anything on him.”

Wade immediately began moving again, overtaking Hawkeye “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Oh what, did you know this was going to happen to?”

“Not exactly, but yeah, definitely.”

“Well you could have said something, saved us a lot of literal blood and sweat.”

“But then we wouldn’t have gotten gum” Wade folded his hands behind his head and tried to blow a bubble, it popped quietly, and he frowned. Clint came up behind him and patted him on the shoulder “Don’t try and blow any bubbles, it’s not that kind of gum.”

“Yeah but at least we _got_ the gum.”

“I’d rather be dead then have no fun gum Barton, I mean that.”

“So how are we getting home?”

“I don’t know, you don’t have an emergency beacon or something?”

“No, usually you get us home.”

“Well maybe don’t rely on me for things” both of them stood in the middle of the jungle with their hands on their hips scratching their heads. Finally, Clint turned around and started walking back to the castle “Maybe Masters has something we can borrow.”

“What like a plane?”

“Or a phone, I’d accept a phone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of fun doing a longer story with these characters, so much so that I already started another. I hope everyone enjoyed.


End file.
